Thursday, July 19, 2007

A Time of Discovery

You know, when you think about it the longest relationship we each have is the one we have with ourselves. Other people come and go, relationships begin and end, but we are always here. Society emphasizes romantic relationships and setting our needs aside for others. And sometimes we single people, especially women, are looked down on because we are not married or living with a romantic partner.

Most of the women I know are married and many of the ones who aren't become involved in one relationship after another, sometimes not taking the time between relationships to sort out what they really want or need, because they are afraid of being alone. Some of my married friends even admit they settled because they were pressured to get married and settled down because if they didn't they were considered rebellious and yes, even wild.

So I guess I'm a wild woman - and yes I'm enjoying my life. It's been 2 years since my last romantic relationship with a man I met before my divorce and was involved with for 7-1/2 years. Before that I was married for 6 years. In both relationships, as in romantic relationships before them, I gave so much and was left with a huge feeling of emptiness. As the oldest sister in my family I was always taught to give of myself, to give up my dreams and wishes, for my younger siblings and yes even my mother. I was always the head cheerleader, cheering them on as they pursued their dreams,I then carried that into my relationships, especially the last two, and so many things I was wishing to do were left on the back burner in order to have these relationships.

And yes sometimes it would be nice to have a man to spend time with and be romantic with because I adore them. But something truly amazing has happened the last 2 years - I found myself and realized I'm pretty groovy. It's been just me being Mom and Beverly, with the unconditional love of my son, who thinks I'm the greatest thing on 2 feet. I was sick for a while and learned how truly strong and determined I am while I recovered. I got through it and gave myself a pat on the back, because I was no longer the wallflower and emotional doormat I had been most of my life but Wonder Woman in training! I have a small group of very close, supportive friends, a great job, financial stability and a wonderful loving son. I've been free to pursue the things I've wanted to do - traveling, writing poetry and songs again, gourmet cooking, playing the guitar, reading more, learning more, finding more and living a more productive life than I ever dreamed possible because I no longer had to set me aside. It's been my time to shine and I do! I've learned what's really important in my life and thrown all the petty stuff away and I've created a me that I really love. And I've found that I really am a beautiful person with a loving soul and a huge heart, the kind of person I would want to have a relationship with, like a butterfly spreading its wings and learning to fly, fly, fly! No longer do I look in the mirror and see a frightened, insecure, shy little bug but a beautiful, confident masterpiece because I've found the inner beauty that only someone who truly loves us can see.

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tapas said...

Awesome post ! I truly loved it :)

Mauigirl said...

Wonderful post! You have discovered something many women never do!